Overwhelmed

Sometimes life gets really damn overwhelming. I've heard all the adages, "Life is Pain", "We wouldn't enjoy the sun if it wasn't for the rain" et cetera, et ecetera. I've never listened to that bullshit though. In my opinion, sayings are for lazy bastards and conformists. Just because smartasses like "Unknown" and "Anonymous" were able to sum up their lives in simple metaphors, similes, and otherwise incomplete sentences doesn't mean I can. Hell, it doesn't even make me feel better to know that they feel that terrible about their own lives. I just write them off obnoxious pedestrians and people who are in front of me in line places. If I could condense the reasons I don't kill myself at this very moment into any rational expression I would probably already have a gun in my mouth and a foot off the ledge. It's about emotions and feelings that no one can explain. I don't know where I'm driving with this blog, so just hop in and pay attention.

Ok, I was saying that I feel overwhelmed. It's true. I work 40+ hour weeks doing manual labor in a fast paced environment while still learning how to even do my job in the first place. On top of that, I have two classes, each three hours long, a week and I am required to keep up with. I know people have worked longer and harder hours than I do and I respect that a lot. I'm trying not to complain too much, but it really fucking sucks coming home two nights a week from 13 hours of work (not including drive time) and knowing that you have to do the same thing again tomorrow. It'll all pay off in the end. That is one true proverb I do agree with. I just don't like not having any time to myself to do things I enjoy doing. I want to be able to go out at night and check out new things or enjoy new restaurants and bars. I guess this all goes back to the "paying off in the end" thing.

I really need to keep myself writing and playing music and drawing. Why does it seem so hard to motivate yourself to do awesome stuff like that? Is it because you're afraid you won't like the product after spending time and energy on it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is for me. I don't think I have ever had the balls to really pick something and dedicate myself to learning how to be extraordinarily good at it. I'd rather be mediocre at a lot of things and consider myself versatile. Actually, I'd REALLY like to pick something up and be a prodigy at it. One of those assholes who does a kickflip the first time he sees a skateboard or builds a sweet bicycle from spare parts found in the alley behind work.

I've yet to find my "God Given Gift". I like to think it's relating to people. I don't know if I'm the only person who feels this way or if I'm just a self righteous jerk, but I have always thought that I could talk to anybody in any room and make them feel comfortable. I guess that isn't really a talent though. Anybody can do it if they have a little curiosity and patience. Maybe being hard to offend is a gift after all though. I see plenty of people get bent out of shape about dumb comments or rude motions and their entire days are ruined, or worse.

I used to procrastinate like it was my job in school. I've tried to get better about it, and I definitely have, but it'd be nice to say that I never put off anything that needed to get done. That would probably make me inhuman though. I still don't really know where this blog is going. Haha. I hope it is interesting to you. To you and you alone! Fuck the person who read this before you. Seriously, that guy is kind of an ass, and I once read his shitty poetry. We should grab drinks soon, just you and I. Maybe the next person after you to read this. I mean, I'm not going to call him, but if you want to I wouldn't really care. I wonder who will be next to read this? It could be anyone in the world. What if it was the Queen of England herself and we ended up drinking beer with her. That'd be debateably cooler than drinking with Obama, even though I'd still be stoked on that.

How did that last paragraph make you feel? I hope it made you feel a little better, like we connected a bit. Let me know..

Hopefully it won't be this long until I post again.

Love,
Ashton

Life: Post Show

Ok. Now I see what I've gotten into. I've spent the last year and a half dipping my toes into the likes of Strike Anywhere, Jets To Brazil, Dead Serious, Saves The Day, and New Found Glory over my sisters stereo, but now I've taken the plunge. That show flipped me in every way shape and form. I saw kids not giving a fuck and loving every fleeting second of it. I saw the guy who booked the show and I'd put him at 20 years old, tops. This whole god damn thing is run, attended, and down right owned by "kids". I wanted to be one of them.

I had never before been so at home, even though I had also never before seen so out of my comfort zone. The freedom of speech and personality and art. I could not believe that it was okay to bounce, or to put it realistically "slam", around with other kids who you didn't even know, screaming at the top of your lungs. I was free. Free from the collared shirts my mom made me wear to school to show the teachers that I wasn't a thug. Free from the judgments of all the other 13 year old's that seemed so important to survival. Free from the questions in my head about what the hell was going on in my body or the world around me. I knew right then and there that this was the place and the crowd for me. I wanted to hold on as tight as I could and let the ride take me wherever it happened to go.

"Step back from yourself." Okay. There is a bowl full of chocolate in front of me and an ipod full of my favorite bands next to that. Why can't I come up with an idea for a good story? No. Wrong question. I can come up with good story ideas, I just can't write them down with interesting beef. I swear people would pay money to see my thoughts projected against a white screen. Or maybe I just wish they would... Anyways, as far as I'm concerned my problem is how to put some of these ideas into words. Words that will make people want to read more. Not just two dollar words I learned from dictionary dot com's daily emails though. Real words. Words like Filth, Crinkle, and Poised. Words that convey ideas. I want my readers to see what I'm writing, not just wonder whether I talk like this in real life or if I get off on pretending that I studied English Literature at some lush university in rural New Jersey. Fuck it. Ok, now that I have my R rating, or at least PG by today's standards, I guess I can start in from the beginning again. Did I mention that I've been drinking? Actually I have not, but let's pretend I am for sake of belligerence because I respect a free mind's creativity. From the beginning!

This story begins in 2001. August to be sure. Late in the month, but the exact date is irrelevant. On this particular night I will witness, for the first time in my life, an inexplicable, uncontrollable, and absolutely nonsensical marriage between real music and real energy in a real crowd of real individuals. Now I must ask you to please not take my overuse of the word "real" for granted here. When I say "Real Music" I mean music that has been written for a purpose. To send a message. To pull like minded people together. And when I say "Real Energy" I mean energy that is aroused from deep within one's heart and mind, not demanded by a squad of cheer leaders or a light up "Applause!" sign. This is energy being expelled without rules, save the laws of physics. As for the "real crowd" of "real individuals", well, if you don't understand that one then you should just take a look around the room the next time you attend a punk show.

Being "the bigger man"

High school is a very dramatic time period for most people. I am definitely in that category. I remember many occasions where I would be in some sort of altercation with somebody and, doing as most people do, would ask my friends for advice. It didn't matter how big or small the problem was, I always "knew" that I was right and my opposition was wrong. The last thing I ever wanted to hear was "Be the bigger man." It KILLED me when the person I had turned to gave me such ego blowing advice. I'm a bit older and much wiser these days, and now I understand what it means to suck it up and be the "bigger man". I wish I could go back in time (or at least remember everybody who gave me those words of advice) and thank them for being mature enough and a friend enough to realize that whatever I was so pissed off about really was not that important and the last thing I needed anybody to do was justify my vengeance.

So anyways, here's to true friends who tell you what you might not want to hear because at the end of the day, it's the right thing.

Preliminary Taste Tests...

• Nerve Agents:
Initial flavor- kind of tart, but quickly followed by reasonable heat. Maintains tangy flavor in mouth though. Texture- Thin paste.

• Municipal Waste:
Initial flavor- Artichoke heavy. A little sweet, but that’s more of an afterthought. Milder but still warm. Texture- Clumps of artichokes in sauce.

• Battle Master:
Mild, but a little burn on the lips. Good taste that reminded me of Tapatio. Texture- very runny.

• BloodQuest:
Oh man. Initial taste is almost like spaghetti sauce, but it quickly turns up the temperature. Maybe too hot for typical use. Definitely spike some salsa with this for a pleasant surprise. Or use in cheesy dish. Flavor is great though.

HOT SAUCE RECIPES

HOT SAUCE RECIPE/RECORD KEEPER OF DOOM

1) ANNIHILATION TIME-
2 cups White Vinegar
5 Serrano Peppers
4 Habanero Peppers
3 Yellow Chili Peppers
4 Cloves Garlic
½ Tsp Cumin
½ Tsp Oregano
½ Tsp Basil
½ Tsp Black Pepper

Notes: Liquify, bring to boil, let simmer 15 minutes. (<--use for all that follow). This will be the base of the next couple sauces in case you were wondering what A.T. stood for!

2) BIOHAZARD-
½ cup A.T. plus…
2 Tbsp Peanut Butter
1 Tsp Cumin
½ Tsp Olive Oil


3) ANTHRAX-
1/3 cup A.T. plus…
1 tsp Hersey’s Chocolate Syrup


4) INSECT WARFARE-
½ cup Maple Syrup
1 Tsp Chili Powder
1 Tsp Cayenne Pepper Powder
1 Clove Garlic


5) BLOOD QUEST-
1.5 Cup A.T. plus…
6 oz Tomato Paste
¾ Tbsp Crushed Onion
¼ Tbsp Oregano
1 Clove Garlic
¼ Tsp Sage
¼ Tsp Black Pepper


6) NERVE AGENTS-
1 cup vinegar
¼ cup Anaheim Pepper
¼ cup Japones Pepper
¼ Jalepeno Pepper
½ Tsp Cumin
1 Tsp Cayenne Powder
1/8 Tsp Salt


7) AMERICAN NIGHTMARE-
1 cup vinegar
¼ cup Anaheim Pepper
1 tbsp Honey (Wild Flower)
¼ cup Jalapenos
¼ tsp Cumin
1 tsp chili powder

8) MUNICIPAL WASTE-
½ cup red wine vinegar
½ cup vinegar
1 tbsp cilantro
1/8 tsp salt
¼ lime juice
1 jalapeno
½ artichoke heart
½ tsp cayenne

9) BATTLE MASTER-
2 jalepeno
1 cup vinegar
½ cup red wine vinegar
½ lime
1 tsp cayenne
1 tsp chili powder
1/8 tsp salt
1 clove garlic

So I started making hot sauce

Yesterday I blended my first batch of hot sauce. Here is the recipe I used for the base, but I'll be adding different variables in smaller samples to try and tweek the flavor:hotness ratios!

Hot Sauce Base:
2 cups White Vinegar
3 Yellow Chili Peppers
5 Serrano Peppers
4 Habanero Peppers
4 cloves of Garlic
1/2 Tsp. Cumin
1/2 Tsp. Oregano
1/2 Tsp. Basil
1/2 Tsp. Black Pepper

All ingredients were then blended ferociously into a soupy substance, brought to a boil, and then simmered for 15 minutes. I immediately put the sauce into the refrigerator and am now trying some different flavors out.

More to come!