It probably wouldn't be an accurate statement for me to say that I have an unshakable faith in God. A few minutes ago, I was eating a bag of Doritos for lunch and thinking about what makes me so different from those with unquestioning faith, and why I lack the ability to have it. Immediately I remembered back to the advice every religious recruiter has ever told me..."Pray about it and ask for an answer." Well, I've tried the old "Hey God, it's me Ashton. Are you there?!" shtick before and got the same results as everybody. Duh, if God straight up told you he was for real then it wouldn't be a faith it would be a knowledge. (I learned that in a Keanu Reeves movie). "Ok." I prayed, attempting to be clever "God...why has Saves The Day put out nothing but garbage since Stay What You Are?" I thought about this question a few more times, attempting to even come to my own conclusion and then cite divine intervention. Well, it's been about half an hour now and I still have no idea what made STD start sucking so much, but I don't think that would've been a terribly hard question for God to answer (or at least help me answer). And yes, he technically WOULD have time to do this if he was really GOD).
As my mind started to wander (I came to terms with them putting out bad records around 2006) I realized that I was eating said Doritos at quite the clip while sitting next to an open window. I casually looked out to the sidewalk and the apartments that face our's wondering what the odds were that there could be ANOTHER 22 year old guy, directly across the street from me, ravaging a bag of chips next to his open window at this exact instant. When I couldn't find any takers, I realized that my "One in a million odds" quota hadn't been reached for the day, and I contemplated running to the grocery store for a lottery ticket.
This idea didn't really seem worth the effort (I'm not a big gambler), so I started reading the EnergyGuide tag from our new refrigerator that was laying conveniently on the kitchen table (the tag, that is. Not the new refrigerator). Apparently this baby is only going to run about $39 a year in electrical costs. I think that sounds pretty reasonable and environmentally friendly. I read some more. "Your cost will depend on your utility rates and use." OH COME ON! How are you going to advertise a number like $39/year and then leave the door open to the effects of both my usage and my local utility company's rates?! WHAT OTHER FACTORS COULD POSSIBLY COME INTO PLAY TO DETERMINE THE ACTUAL BILL!?! good grief. And THEN, as I was mentally congratulating the refrigerator builders of America for being able to adapt to the Green Lifestyle and stay in business during these trying times, I noticed that it was actually just built to U.S. EPA Standards by those damn Canadian Uncle Tom refrigerator builders!!!
Naturally, I reacted to all the midmorning's findings the only way I knew how to...with a blog.
And this, my friends, has been a glimpse into an hour of my life.
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